They say everybody has a double somewhere in this world, and guess what? ...mine is a 90 pound guy Asian guy with a job!
Unemployement should really have a theme song and I've come up with one. Sing this one to the meloldy of that classic 60s song that Tiffany remade in the 80s, "I think we're alone now":
I THINK I'M AT HOME NOW
THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY JOBS AROU-OUND
I THINK I'M AT HOME NOW
THE BEATING OF MY MEAT IS THE ONLY SOU-OUND
An alternative choice from the world of Alternative music (the department of redundancy is at it again) could be "LOSING MY POSITION" sung to the tune of REMs big hit from the 90s, "Losing My Religion".
Well, it looks like President Bush wants to spend enormous sums of money establishing a base on the surface of MARS all of the sudden. I wonder if he reads my BLOG...lol. If you're out there: put the pretzels down! I repeat, step awaaay from the pretzels. Did that really bear repeating? The Department Of Redundancy must be at it again.
Obviously with all this terror threatening to destroy the world as we know it, all the former Enron executives with mansions in Bocca Ratone Florida want a safer place to hide their friends, family, and money.
Maybe there is oil on MARS. If we exploit an entire uninhabited planet for natural resources instead of having a presence in the Middle East, maybe these people that blow up our buildings will get a life and go home. I hope and pray on that one...hope and prayer are not redundant by the way, as similar as they are.
If they do establish a Base there, I am absolutely going to get a PO BOX there.
(the dept. of redundancy apologizes for the word "there" being used twice in the previous sentence...this has been an apology from the dept. of redundancy).
There are PO BOXES out on oil rigs in the Gulf Of Mexico where if you have your company's address listed there, you don't have to pay any taxes! WoooOOOoo hooOOOoo!!!! VIVA -LAS LOOPHOLES!!! Those lucky oil companies...gee whiz that must be great!
This is nothing new. It is a form of "off shoring" that has been going on for years. Until recently, U.S. corporations have been renting cubicles in Bermuda and locating their corporate addresses there, because there was only a 2% tax requirement there. I applaud the Federal Government for cracking down on that. The oil companies still get away with it, because the Gulf Of Mexico isn't a country. I'm imagining that having an inside connection at the federal level helps keep that going strong. Oil companies shouldn't really pay taxes anyway...I'm mean they don't make much money. So oil companies can dodge being taxed, but my my meager unemployment check is still fair game. Great!
Just imagine the kind of crap you could get away with by having a PO BOX on MARS. Tax shelters, Homesteading Laws, etc. With a vast empty planetary surface you could hide all types of stuff there. Swiss Bank Accounts will pass into history, with the grand opening of THE BANK OF MARS. I think Arnold Schwarzenegger (sp?) should run for Governor Of Mars. They should also rename the planet, "Condoleza's Playground"...or "RiceLand"...I'm not sure which I like better.
Speaking of redundancy, how is that I am taxed on my unemployment? Looks like the department of redundancy is at it again. The employer pays for the unemployment insurance, the department of labor cuts me a check, and somehow I have to pay for it too.
Well, if I sound like an ungreatful shit, I just want to say that I wholeheartedly appreciate the sacrifices and effort that previous generations have endured to make the United States Of America one of the greatest places in the entire world to live. I'm just concerned that the greed of short term profiteering that is so prevalent in this era of corporate shame, will make life difficult in the future for my 3 year old niece and impossible for me when I'm an old and crusty seemingly ungreatful shit. With 401Ks being sucked dry, and social security just plain sucking (is the dept. of redundancy at it again?) , the future is more scary than the terrorists.
By the way, I got a few job offers today! One of them sounds really appealing, although it is only temporary with no benefits...I'll have to start eating more rice and fish...hell I love Sushi so why not. In fact all of them were with subcontracting companies that don't want to pay for my healthcare! Cheap bastards.
I have never collected unemployment before, and I have worked steadily since graduating college. If I sound ignorant about how unemployment works, that's because I am...I have held one job or another since age 16, and this is my first time going through this. It's not the end of the world. I consider it a wonder that I can get compensation when not employed, and am thankful for it. Thank goodness I don't have any kids to support though.
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